March 16, 2012

my superficial self


I've decided to stop wearing mascara. This is why.

1. My eyes are sensitive & they become irritated rather easily. They itch on a daily basis due to allergies. They well up when I yawn, when I cut onions, & when I go number two. (Is that weird?) Sometimes mascara will scratch my eyeball after I've absentmindedly rubbed it & the only thing that heals it is having it shut while I sleep. That gets old after awhile.

2. I'm a crier. I cry over a lot of things. Like: 
  • Photos of babies. Friends babies & strangers babies. I am an unbiased baby crier.  
  • Watching a woman win a million dollars on Wheel of Fortune. She was so happy & I was so happy for her. You could tell her thoughts were less "I GET TO BUY LOTS OF SHIT!" & more "I CAN PAY OFF MY STUDENT LOANS/DOCTOR BILLS/RELAX FOR ONCE!"
  • When listening to my friend Sarah Garcia talk candidly about feeling peace in the midst of fighting stage 4 breast cancer. (It was more a response of amazement rather than sadness. Although there is definitely some of that, too). 
  • When I stare at Zack or Ruby for too long. 
  • When I pray. 
  • When Chris Mann sang to us over lunch at Blissdom
  • When listening to BrenĂ© Brown or Patty Griffin
  • Basically when I'm in the presence of palpable love, joy, passion, vulnerability, & pain. Sometimes I get mad at myself for feeling ALL THE FEELINGS but I'm incapable of turning it off. This type of behavior is obviously not beneficial when wearing mascara unless I want to intentionally amp up the drama like Tammy Faye. Which I don't. 
3. I have blonde eyelashes. I like them. Why am I covering them up? I have gotten to a place where a lot of times I don't feel pretty unless I have makeup on. There's a lot wrong with that. Am I going to suggest to my daughter or my friends that in order to be attractive you must slap on some Cover Girl Lash Blast? Am I going to reinforce mainstream media's impression that longer!, fuller!, blacker! lashes are what you must have to be alluring? No, I'm not. 

I'm not saying that I'll never ever wear it again or that I think you should stop wearing it altogether. 

I am saying that makeup should enhance your natural features, not give you fake, unrealistic tarantula eyes. 

There is also a difference between painting on a mask & expressing yourself. The difference lies in the why. Why am I putting on makeup? Is it because I think I'm ugly without it? Or is it because wearing bright red lipstick is just fun? 

I think it's sad that, for the most part, we have carelessly trained this generation to equate artificial physical beauty with worthiness. 

It's sad that I believed the lies- that without it, I look plain or not as special. 

For me, it's a whole new way of seeing & loving myself. 

Perhaps this is another step in stripping away my bullshit. 

Speaking of, I'm ready to burn my bra. 


7 comments:

IzzyMom said...

I'm a crier, too, hon. Weirdest things that makes me cry? Marching bands and the Olympics. Dump that mascara!

MJG said...

The world isn't ready for you to burn your bra. Keep those girls covered up!

Savannah B said...

Oh, dangit, you made me cry.
I actually kind of like tearing up, it is usually involuntary, and shows me what is meaningful to me- even if I don't realize it until I start welling up. Diaper commercials, a killer singing voice, church music, my husband reading to my babies... Good teary opportunities.

You, lady, are one of the most beautiful people I've ever met. Your brain works in crazy, beautiful ways and you've created a crazy, beautiful life for yourself and the people around you.
And the wearing of mascara has nothing to do with that.
Rock on, sister.

The Perfect Trio said...

I can't stand to wear a bra either! Unfortunately, nursing four babies and time are not on my side...

oh, jenny mae said...

I rarely wear makeup. I stopped in college when my allergies got so bad I rubbed my eyes all day. it was futile then & I got out of the habit. yer pretty no matter, mama.

Sarah Hughes said...

Are you crying right now? :) probably :) xoxo

MommyNamedApril said...

Marching bands make me cry to!!!

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