October 12, 2010

balls to the wall, mental health edition!

So, it's official. I have ADD. Duh. I went to a psychologist to get tested & lo & behold, all of the data pointed straight to this "disability." 

I've always thought I might have it after being consciously aware of my behavior in adulthood & after considering my tendencies as a kid. 

I was never a good student.
I am super disorganized. 
I procrastinate like a mofo & am never on time.
I forget things all. the. time. Like important things. 
I feel scatterbrained & flighty a lot. 
I have a hard time finishing things. I go from one thing to the next. I'm chronically distracted.

Dr.P (the friendly psychologist) assured me I wasn't a dumbass (not her words). I took an IQ test that confirmed it. So that's good. I'll admit, I was a little worried. 

She also said I had issues with anxiety but I'm thinking that the ADD is what's causing the anxiety in the 1st place. So hopefully that will take care of itself. 

It feels like my brain & thoughts are filled with confetti & I want to look at every little colorful piece floating all around me. That's what it feels like.  
this isn't me as a child but I definitely had big ass bangs like that.

It's actually really frustrating. Even when I make list after list after list to try & stay on task, I can't ever do it- at least not quickly or efficiently. That has what made me feel like I am a dumbass- like I haven't had the willpower or brainpower to stay on top of things when in reality, it's my brain's inability to manage information. 

I am hopeful that this medication I have been given (hello Vyvanse!) will help me to focus. I am hopeful that I will be able to think more clearly, to accomplish my goals for the day & for my freakin' life, yo. I have a lot of things I want to do & am feeling that this is the time to really go balls to the wall with my brain.

This is the part where I take care of myself. I'm no longer short sighted. I'm actually thinking a lot about my future instead of taking it day by day & just letting things fall into my lap. 

Maybe this will be a magic pill, maybe it won't- but at least I'm trying right? That's the least I can do. I just took my very 1st one about an hour ago & so far so good. I'm going to be live tweeting my experience with it today so get excited about that if you're a tweeter. 

My magic pill didn't come with a magic wand. I'm a little pissed.

Have you been here where I am? Do you have any advice, tips or words of encouragement?! If you do, I'd love to hear em. Thanks y'all for even reading this & possibly caring about it. I really do appreciate it. I swear I personally know the best people on the planet. xoxo


17 comments:

moosh in indy. said...

My assvice?
If you can't cry on your own after a month on a new medication? You're probably not very much fun to be around anymore.

Other than that...WHEEE I HOPE YOU FOCUS AND FEEL LIKE AN ACCOMPLISHED GROWNUP SOON!

Nichole said...

I haven't been where you are, specifically, but: You are awesome (just.like.me.), and good job taking care of yourself, and I'm gonna hug you next time I see you. Just so's you know.

Christie-The ChatterBox said...

Good on you for "coming out!" I too was diagnosed just last year. People know but I have yet to officially post about it. I'd love for you to be a guest on my BlogTalkRadio show to chat about it!! It's liberating when you REALLY know that you are not crazy! (well, not completely anyway, right? LOL)

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Hooray for drugs!

DrDrama said...

I used to work for a woman who had ADD and it was debilitating for her. Good for you for getting treatment!

Katie said...

The only experience I have with it is taking adderall for recreational purposes in high school. Hamlet was never so interesting, or maybe I just never paid so much attention. (and that's coming from a Shakespeare lover!) But good for you for getting help. I need to go to the shrink for excessive emotional imbalance, but I keep putting it off. I'm terrified she's going to say I'm just effed.

Erin said...

Your symptoms all sound much too familiar, but as I am a pro at living in complete denial I am going to continue doing that. I can't finish a damn thing, and I get so distracted. I have to stop and tell myself to wait and go back to the first thing I was doing. Often I just give up. I think it's awesome that you're working on this and I'm very curious to see how the meds work.

beesus said...

ohmygosh best potential live tweet session ever.

and also - that child's bangs are hypnotic. It's like the confetti has sprung forth from them.

Robbie Compton said...

I know I kid a lot, hey there's a squirrel, . . . but I've been diagnosed with adhd . . . Welcome to the club. =)

Gina said...

Hugs to ya, lady. You are courageous. FWIW, I never thought there was anything "wrong" with you. But I'm glad you might gain some focus soon. xoxo

Valerie said...

As I said on twitter, ALL the cool kids have ADD! I am 100% and I'm very thankful for the part where I'm a creative genius and am super fun.

"Delivered from Distraction: Getting the Most out of Life with Attention Deficit Disorder" is the best book ever, read it or get the audio book.

A chronograph watch will also do wonders for you and also check out ADDitude magazine, they have a website with lots of online articles.

It's the "disease" of dreamers and entreprenuers!

Valerie said...

Oh and my unsolicited advice about medication (love it!), don't take it when you don't need it (weekends or when not working) bc then you'll be dependent. Trust me....no fun.

A SPICY PERSPECTIVE said...

No advice on the drugs. But all those symptoms sound like regular side-effects of parenting to me! I don't know that they make a pill to fix THAT! Good luck with the meds. ;)

PS~nice to meet you tonight!

Heather said...

http://borntoexplore.org/hunter.htm

First thing you HAVE to know, is that ADD makes us cool. We are meant to explore, not live in a box, or do accounting. You are creative because you are 'ADD'. Now, I have been through medicine, diet changes, and behavior modification (smacking myself) since a child. And yes, it is hard to function in this world as a 'hunter' however, it is who makes us awesome.

Great advice above: dont take it when you dont need it. Try cutting down on grains and dairy (got me off the meds completely) and love love love yourself.

Love you. (apparently, we are closer to Nirvana by the way then those organized folks... score!)

LisaRose B said...

YAY for all of us with ADD! We RULE! If we weren't out there being creative and coming up with the new stuff, the world would be a very boring place indeed. My own advice on the meds, however, is this...it all depends on what you're taking. Some of them (stimulants like Ritalin) you can go on/off and do okay--they do create dependency after a time. Others, such as Strattera, are not a stimulant and are formulated to maintain a certain balance in your system 24/7 and will NOT be as effective if you don't take them every day. So you really need to have a doc you trust and talk openly with that person about whether you can and/or should go on and off your meds and still get the benefits.

And yes, the only reason I could type all of that without saying, "Oh, look! A chicken!" is because I'm medicated. :-)

Alyssa said...

Those magic pills better not take away your funny!

I was given an anti depressant that made me like a freakin zombie and i lost all my hilariousness with one pill pop! if you ever tweet anything semi unfunny i will be demanding you cut drug taking out of your system immediately! I demand funny and poop stories!

Lorna said...

So I just found you from your post on Aiming Low. I too discovered my ADD as an adult and tried the meds too. They didn't work for me so much. Well they did, I was super focused and not so spazzy, but then I discovered (the hard way) that you can't go out and have like 5 margaritas on a Saturday night while taking them. So then my doctor gave me Strattera. I took ONE and woke up the next morning in the most severe depression I have ever seen. I was crying for no reason at all and couldn't get out of bed. So that was it for me and meds. I'll stay unfocused and spazzy. My friends like me this way anyway. My kid has ADD too, which is tons of fun, and sometimes not. She doesn't have the attention to clean her room, and I send her to her room to clean it and then forget and ask her to come feed the dogs. I blog about our misadventures with ADD and a bunch of other random stuff.

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