September 14, 2010

I'm here! I'm alive! I have so much to show you!

Sup y'all! What's good?

 It's been days since I last posted & that is a dirty dirty shame. There's so much to say, I just don't even know where to freaking start man!
Let's start with drugs. 
See below.
No- that is not a dead zombie (wait, that's redundant) in my bed- that would be my sweet husband right after shoulder surgery- hopped up on God knows how many narcotics. We did have a small scare that night when he felt like he couldn't breathe & went to the ER to find out that the epidural he had received had paralyzed the nerve to his diaphragm- making it difficult to you know, BREATHE. No biggie. He just had to wait until it wore off. Fun!

He was saying the most ridiculous things under the influence. It was super entertaining. You know your marriage is going to make it when you're laughing like a hyena in the ER at 4 in the morning. 

& because I love you, I'm going to share his UNCENSORED words with you people:
- As he was going to urinate he said, "Babe. Doc told me I can't lift anything over 10 lbs- which means you need to get in here & help me lift this thing so I can pee."
- "I feel like I'm being smothered. I feel like I'm being smothered, covered, chunked & fucked."
- "My diaphragm's paralyzed? What's that mean? I don't know shit about a diaphragm except the kind you stick in your beaver."

He reminded me of Jack Nicholson's character in Something's Gotta Give. I expected him to jump off the bed/table & run around with his small white ass hanging out the back of his gown. Unfortunately for all of us, that didn't happen. 
Bless his heart.
Here's a good shot of his hairy belly for you. Aww, how sweet- he thinks I'm #1. 
 (Big huge thanks to Zack's sister Shana for coming over in the middle of the night to be with Ruby).

In the meantime, I was frantically trying to get ready for LAAFF.
Here's an exclusive behind the scenes shot.
It was so fun. I freakin love the freaks at LAAFF. You never know who you're going to meet, what you're going to see or witness. 

my tired (but colorful) feet.
the display lookin fly as hell. Big Ass Pear to the right.
Mike the winner! He won my crotchal painting in the raffle & was really really exited about it. We hugged like 4 times. 

Chelsea with a shitty Asheville postcard.
Amber was vogue-ing the entire time. 
This woman in elastic waist/drawstring jorts (who deserves to be in XL pic format) was reading my stuff from afar & had the worst look of disgust on her face. Well, it was either disgust or constipation.
actin' a fool in the MtnXpress booth.

---------------this is just the beginning- there will be more updates soon, promise!-------------


n8rlvr said...

Hilarious! "help me lift this thing so I can pee" had me rolling. Your zombie-man sounds like a riot. That is one sexy-hairy belly!

puggerhugger said...

Laughing hysterically about hubby's medicated ramblings

Rachel said...

OMB!! My socks NEVER match!!! I don't have any pictures though!


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