May 21, 2010

no. bad mommy.

One of my favorite awful/awesome blogs, List of the Day, recently featured a bunch of atrocious photos of terrible parenting.

BEWARE: Some of them will make you want to smack a bitch up, gag, or shrivel up in a ball & die.

Here are a few of the more mild ones.
Do you need to run to the store for a 40 of Schlitz? No problem. Put your baby in a dog crate. Throw some Cheetos in there. You're all set. 

Smile for the camera! And don't worry, wild animals LOVE it when you put a chain around their necks. 
(poor little dude. I want to steal him & hug him & rock him for days).

This is not funny or cool or sanitary. It's straight up wrong. Also, that barefooted lady is like, "I'm gonna  duck so I don't get pummeled in the face with a light up, lucite stilletto but here, babies, let me place y'all right here so you can get the best seat in the house."

Pretty sure they're gonna need antibiotics.

And a large stash of sweaty dollar bills for future therapy sessions.

Not that I'm judging anyone. I'm simply evaluating the picture. These people might be wonderful parents. Who knows? They might throw a stone or two at me after they see this gem:

Yes, that is my baby doing a keg stand.

Let me explain. We were at a leisurely summer backyard BBQ & Zack & his buddies thought it would be hilarious to pretend. Our baby was not harmed during the shooting of this picture nor did she even put her mouth on it. So don't even freak out on me, ok.

Here's more evidence that I'm super awesome at this whole motherhood gig:
What? Little baby Ruby was delicious. No really, she was so cute I wanted to eat her. 

It's totally normal & primal. Hamsters do it all the time. 

At least I'm not as bad as this dude. 
(Actually, these are my peeps. I'll withhold names. Also, FYI- that's not a joint. It's a roll-your-own cig).

Pretty sure I qualify for this though:

P.S. Zack was looking over my shoulder last night as I was perusing the Things Remembered website looking for cheesy trophies and this is what he had to say:

"You know, I worked at Things Remembered once at the Biltmore Square Mall. Gayest job I've ever had. I got the job cause my friend was bangin' the manager who looked like a donkey. She also wore a wig but [my friend] didn't know that until one day he was bangin her & it fell off."


Claire said...

you are a friggin fraggin genius.

Oprah said...

I am so inspired. Please come work for me. I will pay you a bajillion dollars & let you pet my head.

Cary said...

Thanks for the link. Bangin' the donkey wig made me laugh. So did that profile shot with Demi.. WTFF?!

Anonymous said...

WOW...Oprah reads your blog. That's way cool! lol

Another hilarious entry!

Wouldn't YOU like to know! said...

Hey, that ain't fair. Sometimes a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do to bring home the bacon. So if that means that I have to show my tits & cooter to some horny old pervs, then by god, that's what I gotta do to keep the chef boyardee on the table. I'm still a great mama.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

If babies doing keg stands is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

tell Zack Bobbi says hi said...

Your husband is a stud. Your a lucky girl. He dumped me at Waffle House right after I finished my pork chop.

Kevin said...

Why aren't people & businesses flocking to pay you for this? You could be the next Dooce or Phat Gay Kid.

Anonymous said...

i LOVE you. Don't stop.

Blair said...

oh robin, this is why i love your blog. you make me laugh so hard.
and so does zack. love the story about things remembered....any way we can get him a blog so he can put random stories like that on it?

Miriam said...

I feel like I need to defend myself, my child and the things you put on the internet about me, but then that makes me look guilty. So I won't. Thanks for making me laugh Robin.


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