April 2, 2010

i spy... (more reasons why asheville is my true north)

On my way to another verbal vomit fest counseling session yesterday, I was driving along talking to my mom (who gets mad at me every time I call her while I'm driving) & I kept noticing the craziest shit.

 Like an old dude in a yellow corvette, wearing a yellow shirt & a yellow hat. I wonder if he had on yellow pants & yellow shoes & yellow socks & a yellow banana hammock. I also wondered if he's one of those people that happened to mention that they like something & then people go INSANE with the theme-y gifts. Like when I kind of said I liked Winnie the Pooh in middle school & for the next DECADE I was inundated with Winnie the Pooh shit.
I also saw a hand just like this hanging out of a car window & it scared the dookie out of me. No one should have nails like this. I mean, how on earth do you wipe the doodoo off of your butthole with these things? And let's be honest, these are claws. What, do you need them to snatch up chipmunks for dinner? This is not cute nor is it sanitary.

I also saw a blue truck on Merrimon Ave with "The Dirty Hoe" plastered on the side of it. Turns out it's a landscaping & gardening company here in town. I would hire them based on their name alone because that's good reasoning, right? Generally speaking, people who are punny are typically good with bushes & shrubs & shit. They are also artists & seem to be a good time. After all, they are dirty hoes.

There was also a large older black man smoking a Black & Mild that walked in front of my car as I was trying to pull out of the Bojangle's drive thru (for one of their huge ass tubs of sweet tea- don't hate on me) & I SWEAR I thought he was singing "I Touch Myself" Kinda creepy. Kinda awesome.

(this is not the same man) 

Of course, these observations just reinforce my love for this town. 

the land:

& of course, the people:

i blurred out their privates except for the white ass. I thought you would enjoy seeing some white male ass with tube socks & sneakers. That's always a good look. 

 This pic is from the annual World Naked Bike Ride. A definite must-see (if you like flopping body parts, which I DO). Perfect family outing! Bring your kids AND your parents!!!!!!!

Go Asheville! 


Rebecca Martin said...

I so miss it.

(Also, this reminds me of the time Katie Jo and I were driving in West Asheville, and, after passing a number such bizarre people-sightings within, say, two blocks, she could barely restrain herself from leaning out the window and yelling: "Why do you have to be so weird???")

Midnight Rambler said...

Been lurking on your blog the past few days (makes me sound like a perv) and loving it!! But just wanted to pipe in with this little nonessential tidbit: I've only been to Asheville once, but I fell in love with it on the spot. And now that I know they have the World Naked Bike Ride, I will return (though to watch; not participate ... too many flopping body parts on me to subject to anyone else). Cheers!

briezie said...

so, if you didn't notice, you missed a "part" to be blurred out.. look at the naked butt, then look at his left hand, then see what looks like he's holding?? ha ha ha.. good chuckle!thanks for the laugh today. oh and the guy with the black and mild, yup, i swear i worked with that same man. no lie. looks just like him! i'll have to find the picture for you.


robin said...

Mrs.Martin, it misses you too. I'm sure that Katie Jo associates weirdness with complete awesomeness.

Midnight rambler- hi! thanks for loving my blog & for your super cool comment. You must return for the flopping parts. I'm telling you it's worth it!

briezie- you're right! I left "just the tip" in the palm of that other dude's hand! crazy!

Christa said...

Oh my darlin I am laughing so hard at the bananna hammockness that Brian is giving me the "you're seriously whacked look" I remember the Winnie the Pooh shit cause guess who got Tigger. I STILL own three Tigger watches and guess what DON'T wear one! Dirty Hoe baaaahhhaaaahaaa :)

Kelby said...

OK, we have to start an online shop called "Winnie the Pooh Shit." Because DUDE once, just once, I mentioned I thought Tigger was cool (he IS over-confident, hyper and is pretty sure it is all about him, which I do respect). So I got Tigger shit for several years afterwards. I now hate Tigger and will kick his BUTT if I see him. I have much to contribute to the inventory of our store.

And Asheville seems to be a place for such company names. We were behind a pick-up with the business name "Get 'Er Dug." An excavation company. Of course. *ouch*


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