March 1, 2010

desperate times, desperate measures.

I know, it's scary & I'm sorry I have to show you this. 
 Most of you are mortified for me. I can hear you now in your homes & offices thinking to yourself, "oh Robin, honey. You really shouldn't make that face" or "did she really post this super duper unflattering picture?" or "My eyes!!! Check out that serious freakin double chin- I can't believe someone married her!" or "Holy shiz, girlfriend looks like Ursula the sea witch. She's gonna steal my voice & sick her pet eels on me. We need to stab her with a boat."
See?! SPITTING IMAGE. This should've been my doppleganger pic on facebook. For reals. Slap on a conch or 2 & there you have it.

It's not that I don't like myself. Cause I do. It's just that I still have not lost any "baby weight" at all. And it would be nice to not feel like I have an inner tube around my waist. Also, I'd like to fit into real clothes- not just my mommy uniform yoga pants that I don't actually DO yoga in. 

So, I am going to do something about it. And maybe by putting this out there in the blogosphere I will actually get off my hard butt* & shed some of this extra padding with the help of my new $9 scale & this:
Shed pounds AND trim inches AND learn how to do da Cha Cha?! Um, yes please! 
(P.S. Maksim is totally wearing a lady's tank top).

I figure I'll be holding my hand in the air all fancy like Cheryl in no time & maybe even a few lbs lighter!  (that is, if I can just put down the box of Swiss Cake Rolls. Shut up. They're delicious). 

*for those of you who don't know, I have an unusually hard ass. It's like concrete. You could break your hand on it. You can't even pinch it, that's how rocklike it is. Contrary to popular belief, I rarely ask anyone to touch my butt. I never bring it up. But a lot of the time, my "friends" will make their friends smack my ass. It can be quite awkward trying to convince someone that I'm okay with it. But I am. I feel the need to share my spiritual gift with the people of Earth. God knows I didn't do anything to attain it. Maybe if you do lunges instead of like, walking, you could have one too or you could just pray I guess. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

This is what Balls to the Wall is all about, people. No inhibitions. No more than 1 chin. Let's do this. Go me!


9 comments:

John and Nicole said...

I get workout DVDs from the library. Some of them totally suck, but some of them are great. It's hard for me to workout. I always give up when it starts to hurt, but, apparently, when it hurts, that's when the good stuff is happening. Good luck sister. Love you. When we gonna hang?

MJG said...

My dance teacher (when I was younger and actually exercised) called those fancy hands "Barbie hands." She told us to pretend we were holding a tennis ball in between our thumb and middle finger. I still remember that. So there's your first step to Latin Cardio greatness.

Gina said...

Robin. I love you. I'm laughing so hard that my 2-year-old is all "what Mom? WHAT??!"

Cara said...

Actually whe I first saw the picture I was thinking how cute your hair looked!

Becky Swann said...

You can totally become a latin diva, and this was hilarious

Candice said...

Robin,

You are so friggin' funny!!! Thanks for the laugh, yo!!!

Miriam said...

Ok, I thought you were showing me your new hair cut (but since I haven't seen you in a million years how would I know if it was new or not?) ANYWAY. I love you, thank you for always making me laugh and be for realz. You are awesome that way.
PS. let me know how the dancing works out..I need something once this baby pops out of me!

robin said...

nicole- ooo. the library? what a novel idea! sounds so old skool.

mjg- so i need to practice holding balls? done & done.

gina- tell B you're watching The Wiggles.

cara- whatevs! there's no way you can see past the chins.

becky- latin diva. hell yes. caliente!

candice- thanks for the comment, yo!

miriam- stop talking like that. it makes me sad & pissed off at Arizona.

Alaina Drawdy said...

I just wanna hold your sweet bottom right now... I love robottom*. I do. I love robottom. I cannot help misselffins.

*robottom = Robin's Bottom

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