March 24, 2010

the blog post that's gonna win me that mother of the year award that everybody talks about.

Wouldja look at this child with her toes in the mud? She is such a mess these days. A literal mess. She takes after both of her parents. If you know us personally, you know this to be super true. Apparently, dumping yogurt on the floor and smearing it all over yourself is way fun. So is playing in the toilet water when it should've been double flushed. (I can hear you ewww-ing. Have no fear, I plopped her straight into the tub, clothes and all & then dunked her in bleach). Also, it's a friggin blast to eat the crusty nasty food that falls under her high chair cushion. I should probably just leave food there for her snacks. She'll be like a hamster. Now I just need one of those upside down bottle things with the metal ball on the end for her watered down juice. Wait, I kind of already do that cause I'm still breast feeding. Just once in the morning and then when she pulls down my shirt randomly during the day for a tasty treat. I'll admit- it's getting to be a little weird but part of me doesn't want to let go of my baby. I'm adding this to the list of reasons why I'm kind of a hippie next to:
  • I've never dyed my hair or plucked my eyebrows. Natural blondes, holla! I'm sure it'll change to shitty blonde one of these days & I'll have to start using anti-shitty blonde hair shit stuff.
  • I use recycled bags at the grocery store (ok, only when I remember).
  • I go to church with homeless people & if you're wearing a suit or patent leather shoes, you're the one standing out in the crowd. 
  • I love closing my eyes in the middle of a drum circle. Don't knock it til you try it. 
  • I care about grass. (not that kind. ok maybe that kind. or not. you'll never know. or will you? who knows? God does, that's who). 
  • I have dreadlocks in my armpits.
  • I have literally saved a whale. *
anyways, thank you for enduring that poorly written tangent.

what was I saying? Oh yes, my child, the royal mess.

She's speaking now, you know. Like real words. Just the other day Zack & I were coaxing her:

Me: "Ruby can you say doggie? Can you say shoe? Can you say Mama? Can you say bellybutton?"
Ruby: nothing
Me (exasperated): "Well, can you say shit?"
Ruby: "Shih!"

OF COURSE my child is cursing before saying "Mama." Is this what you call foreshadowing? 

*I may or may not be a liar


Mahala said...

You get my vote :)

Anonymous said...

that's jacked up

Michelle said...

Girl, I just finally landed some time to visit your blog and have spent the last 20 minutes reading and laughing. While I think we are opposites in many ways, I love the points on which we can relate. You are so cool!


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